My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
