You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There are leaves in my underwear?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
