Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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