carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
