I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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