If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
