that's an acceptable place to lick
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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