he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
