Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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