Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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