yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Your penis caused this!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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