She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
