But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
