i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
