And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have feelings that need drinking.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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