Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
