I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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