oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
