A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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