I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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