dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
