I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
