i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
