Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize