I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
