I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
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