Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's get the cat blown out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize