your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
