My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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