Jerry, you need to find god
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
