yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
