I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
