The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
