I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
