you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
