what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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