still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
