I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
