Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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