How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
