never play flip cup with pint glasses
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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