he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
