I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize