I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
