It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
