You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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