We're facebook friends in real life
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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