I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
