She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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