I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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