Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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