im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
