and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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