why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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