what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
