you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
