he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
