I'm jealous of your bromance
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize