i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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