how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
