I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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