god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
