Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
