Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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