What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
