I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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