I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
