Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
