Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
