we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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