Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
