Well apparently he's into motor boating.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
