WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
