One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
