then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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